Okay, so our lead pastor talked a little bit Sunday about being open and honest. Being real. Completely and utterly real. Taking off the mask. Why is it that we leave the mask on? I know for me it is because I have this image that I want to keep. I want to look like I have it all together. I am the worship pastor for a cutting edge church that is one of the fastest growing churches on the east coast. Shouldn’t I be perfect? Yeah right!

I am taking my mask off today. For the last week God has been doing some serious work on my heart and my mind. At times this week I have cried. At times I have told my best friends that I think I am having a breakdown. I am having anxiety attacks left and right. I have struggled with the importance of what I do as a lead worshiper. I mean isn’t what I do just singing and playing guitar? Sure a few hundred of you will raise your hands and worship, but after you go home, and I go home, is anyone different? I struggle with this huge passion and desire to do something everyday that will outlive me and last for eternity.

Let me switch gears for a minute. This morning I took a different route to the office. It’s the way I used to go before I got hooked on Dunkin Donuts Ice Carmel Lattes. Today I didn’t get one so I went the old way to work. I stopped at the 7-Eleven I used to go to quite a bit. I picked up an energy drink and saw Mike, a guy that works at the 7-11. “Morning Mike” I said as I walked in the door. His face lit up as he remembered me. He said “It’s been a while since I have seen you. Where you been?” I used to come in and say hello to him every morning. He never knew my name or anything else other than the fact that I like energy drinks at 6 am on Sunday mornings. I used to get them every Sunday morning. He remembered me. So I stopped and told him why I haven’t been coming in anymore. I confessed my new found addiction of ice lattes. I reached out my hand to his and said “Mike, I have seen you a million times and I don’t think we’ve ever formally met, my name is Jeff.” It was good to officially meet him.

As I drove off I felt like I had been given a shot in my arm of something good. In that moment I was not on stage or performing or doing anything else. I was living. I was just a guy who cared about the 7 Eleven  guy. Now at 3:00pm I feel like what happened in 7 Eleven this morning was the most important thing I have done today. Please don’t get me wrong or think that I don’t realize the impact that the worship ministry has at Fellowship. I do get that. And I would not want to do anything else anywhere else.  I do understand that what I do is important. But the way I am wired is to care about personal growth in people. I am wired to be compassionate with those whom other people would not necessarily care about. That’s just the way God has made me. And knowing that I am impacting the 7 Eleven clerk just by speaking to him, or greeting him makes me feel good. I am ready to begin to lessen my latte intake and swing by to try to reach out to Mike more. I know that I have invited him to church but because of work he has not been able to make it. But God reminded me today that I have a divine purpose outside of Fellowship Church. Away from our kickin’ band and worship times. I have purpose. And so do you. Whether you preach on Sundays or sit in the audience. God has a purpose for you. Sometimes he needs to put pressure on us to get our attention. But I would rather be pounded on for a season and know my purpose than to never face anything difficult and just float through life. So yeah, I am still in this season. But yeah, I know my purpose!

As I was driving in to the office today my mind began to think of all the people that work so hard every Sunday but never get any credit. There are so many people that do so much to make Fellowship an effective church. There are the trailer guys, Phil Bachetti, Tim Griest, Kevin Kelly, and Scott Pentacost. These guys come early and stay late so that our equipment can make it over to the school in the morning, and back to the church in the afternoon. Thanks guys! I can’t imagine doing the trailers alone!

I think of all the people that set up guest services. People like Dan Muller, Ann Price, Matt & Amy Genthert. There are so many more people that are involved in making what we do successful and enjoyable. To all of you, THANK YOU!! I so appreciate each and every one of you! You service does not go unseen or unnoticed!

I am currently reading a book entitled Worship Evangelism. In it the writer asks if the church understands the purposes of worship. And then to make it even more personal asks if we as Christ followers even know what our calling/duty is.

Check out what the Message says in I Peter 2:9-10

But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted.

We are called to speak out for HIM and to tell others of how HE has made a difference in our lives. Wow, talk about responsibility! How are you doing in this area?

I just received a call from my doctor.  My MRI results came back completely normal. Whoo hoo!!  I can now rule out brain stuff.  Now that I am on the upswing, Jennifer is home sick today.  When it rains, it pours.

Well, I have officially had my first MRI. Not too bad, but really loud. It took longer than I thought too. Overall, everything went just fine. On the way out I asked the technician if anything looked abnormal. She laughed and said that everything looks normal and that my brain was indeed there. I will have the official results tomorrow but so far I have a good feeling that everything will come back normal.

I am still battling the dizziness off and on but I guess it will just have to run it’s course. Keep praying for me and my poor, poor wife. It must be hard to live with a man who is a hypochondriac. Let me just say this. Web MD is not good for me. My self diagnosis has been everything from vertigo to brain tumors. Not good. I just want to get past all this stuff. I miss my regular life!

Just want to post a quick update.  My blood test results came back all good.  The next step is an MRI on Tuesday.  Hopefully this is just a really bad virus and nothing more.  Please pray that the MRI turns up negative as well.  I might play guitar one more weekend instead of leading.  Not sure.  We’ll have to see how dizzy I am.  What a crazy week!

Well it has been another interesting day.  The day started off with a scare for me.  I was taking Mason into pre-school when I got really dizzy again.  It was awful.  After talking to my wife I called my doctor and made an appointment with him for this afternoon.  Of course us musical people have vivid imaginations.  My mind was running wild all day.  Well, I just got back from the doctors office and my doctor believes it is Benign Positional Vertigo.  He is having me get an MRI done on Tuesday morning to rule out anything more serious.  He did prescribe something for the dizziness.  So hopefully that will help.  I also had some blood taken which gave Ben and Ryan some fun back at the office. I let Ben pull the band-aide off.  Who knew so much hair could stick to something so small and could hurt so much.

Well, just thought I would give you all an update.  I get the blood results back in the morning.  Will let you all know if anything comes of it.  I’m a little tired of the drama and am ready for life to be back to normal. 

Today is April 16th which means Jennifer is now only 4 weeks away from her due date.   Mason came about a week early so it is possible that our baby boy will be here in the next 3 or 4 weeks.  I can hardly believe it.  It seems like it has gone so fast.

This afternoon Jennifer and I went to her doctors appointment together.  She called and asked if I would go with her so I went.   It was a way I could show her love and support.  It was good for me.  It was good for us.

I don’t know about you but I have been under heavy attack this week.  My mind is a battlefield.  I am having to pray more and read more.  Physically I am better than I was but I feel like I am just not right.  It’s funny how the physical effects the emotional and spiritual sides of our beings. Nevertheless, God is good.   It is just a reminder that our joy is not found in anything here on earth.  Joy is found in salvation and our relationship with Jesus.  So if any of you are roughing it this week like I am.  Keep going!  Hike on! Keep climbing!  This is only for a while!  Joy comes in the morning.

It’s been a good day off.  Usually on Mondays I take Mason to preschool and just have a day to myself.  But this morning we did something different.   Mason came and jumped into bed with me and said he wanted to stay home with me today.   I think it’s partially because of James’ death and some of the words that John spoke yesterday during our Sunday Services that my thoughts this morning were “What if this were my last day on earth?”  What are the important things to me?  My family is the most important thing to me in the world.  So today has been a daddy and Mason day.  We started the day off with a trip to McDonald’s for breakfast.  Then after a couple errands we went to the park and played for about an hour and a half.  We played on the swings, went down the slides, and had a great time.  Then we kicked the soccer ball around for a while.  After the park we drove up to Springfield and met Jenn for lunch.  Now we are back at home and Mason is taking his afternoon nap. 

I am still not feeling completely like myself but I wanted to give Mason the gift of today being spent with his daddy.  One thing we did to make the day special was that we went to target and I let him pick out a new car.  He is totally into the Disney Cars movie and collects the different cars from the movie.  So we bought him Chick Hicks, one of the cars he didn’t have yet.  When we got into the car and I began to drive he asked me if I would open it for him.  So I took it and opened it.  I asked him “Mason, do you know why daddy is giving you this gift?”  He answered “Cause I want it.”  I said “No, daddy likes to give you good gifts.  Do you know who else gives us good gifts?”   “Who?” he answered.  ”Jesus gives us good gifts.  He gives us life and the air we breathe.  We can spend today together because of the good gifts God gives.”

And what great gifts God gives!  Thank you Father for the uncountable gifts you have given me!! I am so blessed. 

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIOng07BWbM&hl=en]

Well, I finally gave in to peer pressure and went to see our family doctor today.  It was kind of funny in a way.  When the doctor finally came into my room he had a young guy with him.  My doctor introduced him as a medical student.  He then asked if I cared if he did the exam on his own.  I told him that would be fine.  So out the door goes my doctor and the student doctor begins to go through a million questions.  It must have said on the chart why I was there.  It has to doesn’t it?  Well, like a bad episode of house this guy drills me for several minutes, most of them not having a single thing to do with my symptoms.  His first question was “Do you snore?”  To which I answered “I’ve been told I do”.  That opened pandoras box about all the risks of being over weight.  In my head I’m thinking ,”Dude, just give me some medicine so I can get over this.”    After a while my doctor came back in and he got me the goods and wrote a prescription for me.  It was definitely the weirdest trip to the doctor I think I have ever had.

Well, this body needs some sleep.  See you all Sunday!